Tag: Victorian Etiquette

Madam, Ma’am, or Miss: Proper Address for Unmarried Young Ladies

La Mode, 1836.
(Met Museum)

During the nineteenth century, the proper address for an unmarried young lady was very much a matter of rank—both the rank of the one being addressed and the one doing the addressing. For instance, a maidservant might acknowledge a command given by her young unmarried mistress by saying “Yes, miss.” Whereas a gentleman might address the same unmarried young lady with a “Yes, madam” or “Yes, ma’am.” […]Continue Reading


The Value of An Introduction: Vouching for Someone Victorian-Style

Le Follet, 1848.
(Met Museum)

Today, introducing one stranger to another at a social or business gathering is simply polite behavior. But in the Victorian era, an introduction was a thing of infinite value. It was a voucher. A guarantee that the person being introduced was both respectable and worthy of knowing. As Mrs. Walter Houghton explains in her 1893 book Rules of Etiquette & Home Culture:[…]Continue Reading


A Grave but Cordial Thank You: 19th Century Advice on Thanking Gentlemen Strangers

Der Beobachter, 1880.
(Met Museum)

Victorians had plenty of advice on how and when a lady should offer a word of gratitude, especially when that gratitude was in response to a service rendered by a gentleman stranger. Some believed that it wasn’t fashionable for ladies to thank strange gentlemen for small courtesies—e.g., holding doors for them or giving up their seats on a crowded public conveyance. To do so was considered unpolished and countrified. Better that ladies say nothing and accept such little services as their due.[…]Continue Reading


Victorian Advice on Civility Toward Women

Quarreling by James Tissot, c. 1874-76.
(Private Collection)

Nobody likes to be shouted at or spoken to in an abusive, combative tone. In the Victorian era, however, such behavior was especially distasteful when engaged in by a man and directed at a woman. Men were generally larger in size and more powerful in position. It was their duty as gentlemen to treat women with respect, whether those women be the lowliest of servants or the grandest of ladies.[…]Continue Reading


How Much Scent is Too Much?—Victorian Advice for Ladies and Gentlemen

La Mode, 1836.
(Met Museum)

In the Victorian era, perfumed products abounded. In addition to perfume, cologne, and toilet water, there were scented soaps, scented pomades, and even scented mouth waters and dentifrices for the teeth. But how much scent could a lady or a gentleman wear without being offensive? It’s a question many of us puzzle over even today. Fortunately for the Victorians, books and articles on proper etiquette offered plenty of advice to guide the unwary.[…]Continue Reading


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